Humor / Social Media / March 19, 2014

12 Mistakes People Make in Their Twitter Bios

Twitter bios: where you have just a few dozen characters to give the basics of who you are. And yet so many people manage to screw it up. Here are 12 of the worst mistakes I’ve seen used in Twitter bios.


1) “Husband of One Wife”

Oh good! You’re not a polygamist; I wasn’t sure there for a second. Polygamy is such a pressing problem in our post-enlightenment western society, after all.


2) “I’m a Creative”

I’m going to speak for everyone gainfully employed here, and say that being “a creative” sounds suspiciously like “I won’t take on a real job because it doesn’t suit my fancy so instead I produce indie films and drink free-trade organic coffee I can’t really afford but it’s better than working for ‘The Man’.”


3) “Story Teller”

Do you write the scripts for the “creative’s” indie films or are you that guy who sits on a  tiny chair and reads stories to preschoolers at the local public library on Tuesdays at 10:00 AM?


4) “Reformed”/”Calvinist”

Think of your twitter bio like you’re introducing yourself to someone. As a social norm, the particulars of your soteriology aren’t really the best way to do this. It’s like walking up and saying “Hi, I’m a republican Sagittarius who enjoys reading Kant.” More weird than helpful, see?


5) “Life Coach”

Whew, someone better at life than I am. I need some coaching up about life. Life is tricky. I wonder of they prefer man-to-man or zone? Do they blitz a lot? I hope they don’t do the whole “golf shirt tucked into wind pants” thing. And no visors because that’s Steve Spurrier’s thing.


6) “Reality TV Star”

Reality TV isn’t real, so you are a star at a show that pretends to be real while actually being scripted. Or is it that you are truly more real than the rest of us? I’m so confused.


7) Hashtags 

You #Hashtagged your bio? #NoFreakinWay #ThatsRidiculous #WhyWouldYouDoThat #RiseAndGrind #Winning #NeverQuit #DontStopBelieving #LOL #LetItGo #Blessed #AmIDoingThisRight


8) Exclamation Points

You are just so excited to be you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But your excitement is not contagious.


9) “Social Media Expert” 

You are the marketer for the movies written by the “story teller” and produced by the “creative”, right? It’s either that or you’re the one person under 35 working at your company and you’ve been tasked with running the corporate twitter account.


10) “Jesus Freak”

Follow Jesus. Live for Jesus. Be a disciple of Jesus. But keep your DC Talk music to yourself.


11) “God girl”/”Jesus girl” 

Is this like a redeemed Spice Girl?


12) “Ninja”

Nobody is a social media ninja, fitness ninja, sales ninja, creative ninja, idea ninja, design ninja, or coffee ninja. If, however you are a real ninja, please track down these ridiculous usurpers and dole out some well-earned justice.


Mar 19, 2014

Just gonna see what you thought of mine:

Kirk Jordan
Photographer & Poet Laureate of the Toad-Suck Subdivision / Lover of Song and Science / Startled by Existence / Mind broken and filled by the Beauty of God.
Arkansas USA ·

I must agree about your “creative” comment. It is not very creative to announce it, and If it isn’t self evident, then you probably aren’t.

Mar 19, 2014

Some people may want to heed this advice when creating their LinkedIn accounts too…

    Mar 19, 2014

    Absolutely, especially since that is supposed to be a professional space for professional people.

Mar 19, 2014

What about those people who put up a random quote.. ? Example:

Jane Smith
Chicago Illinois
“Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.”

I think that facebook has room for favorite mother Theresa quotes under “favorite quotes”. And does a quote fully summarize who you are? I think not.

    Mar 19, 2014

    It’s not a great bio, but it’s easily ignorable. I’ll accept it.

Mar 19, 2014

I think this should be renamed ’12 Mistakes People Make –– that irritate me –– in Their Twitter Bios’.
Esp. obvious with 10,11.

Mar 19, 2014

PS. The graphic/cartoon looks more like a woman wearing a Burkha than it does a Ninja. Just sayin’

    Mar 19, 2014

    Wait, you know a ninja and what they look like? I’m jealous!

      Mar 19, 2014

      Piper for the win!

Mar 19, 2014

I have “creative” in my Twitter bio, but I consider it no more offensive than naming one’s publisher (wink-wink) in a bio. As Triumph would say, “I keed I keed!” Besides, I’m actually gainfully employed as a “creative” and live with my lone wife. I only use the term because it seems less self-aggrandizing than musician/graphic designer/photographer-wannabe writer, you know? Not a polygamist either.

Can we add “Grace Addict” to his list? I keep seeing that one pop up, seems a buzz phrase making the Twitter bio rounds these days.

Good post, I especially agree with the Ninja gripe.

    Mar 19, 2014

    Oh good, another non-polygamist; me too!

    I mock the term “creative” because of the number of young folks who use it as a cover for contributing nothing to society. I recognize fully that the world has many productive creative people. It’s the cliche/buzzword aspect of it I would like to see done away with. It undermines people who actually use their creativity for a purpose (like you).

    And yes, grace addict is an excellent consideration for this list too.

      Mar 19, 2014

      I appreciate the clarification RE: creative. And, agreed… it’s somewhat generic or buzzy right now. Additionally, I too, also never quite understood the hashtag in the bio deal.

      Mar 19, 2014

      Thank you for the clarification RE: the use of creative. It is very much a buzz term, but like I said, I use it so as not to self-aggrandize and to be succinct. I wish there were a better word. If I should happen upon one I will promptly adopt it.

      I actually just penned a post the other day about how cheap titles are these days. Banks have 70 bajillion (not a real unit of measurement) VPs, AOL has a Digital Prophet (I swear, Google it, you’ll laugh) and everyone is now a Curator. Even if all you’re curating is a Spotify playlist… you’re still curating as though you were Roxana Marcoci, a Senior Curator at the Modern Museum of Art.

      All of the sudden I feel like an old curmudgeon sitting on my front porch yelling at all the neighborhood kids to stay off my lawn. I’m only 31, is this bad? Should I see a guy about this?

Mar 19, 2014

Whew. I was actually sweating this one out, Barnabas. I thought for sure I’d be caught with one. Nope, nada, zilch. I’m good to go with my profile. Love the lighthearted blog. You were being lighthearted, weren’t you??

Mar 19, 2014

Glad to know that I passed the test! I think just about all of these should be good rules for every social media platform. Thanks for the post!

Mar 20, 2014

Who actually spends time reading others’ twitter bio’s?

And who thinks these bio’s are the equivilant of information given out upon greeting someone?

Mar 21, 2014

[…] 12 Mistakes People Make in Their Twitter Bios […]

Mar 21, 2014

How’s mine read? @jsboian

Apr 04, 2014

You would probably hate my bio:
Evil atheist pescatarian librarian, considering Bokononism. Interested in web design and technology.

It does sum me up pretty well though. 🙂

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